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Posts Tagged ‘parenting’

I told my kids “Guys, no Walkman during homeschool,” they looked puzzled and asked “What’s walkman?”

We were already geared up to go to Toys ‘R Us, as anonymous child had been wanting to go there for weeks. He was clutching his wallet in his hands, and was looking forward to finally get that toy he’d been saving up for weeks. You know the look on your child’s face when he is about to open a birthday present? I was happy to see that look on his face.

On our way, anonymous child said something that was disrespectful to me. It was hurtful to be spoken to by one of my children like that but I tried to convince myself that maybe i should just let this pass and not make a big deal out of it. I didn’t want to ruin our supposed “date” to the toy store.

But there was the nagging part of me that just didn’t want this to slide. I knew how important it is to God that children honor their parents. And if I didn’t do anything about this, I was communicating to my child that his behavior was acceptable.

So I did it. I explained that what he said didn’t show honor to me and he had to be disciplined for it. I knew it would break my son’s heart, and it broke mine more to see it, but I had to cancel our trip as a consequence of his disrespectful attitude. I reminded him of Ephesians 6:1-3 that says ‘Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’

When children honor their parents, God rewards THEM, not us. The promise of everything going well and enjoying a long life is given to children who honor their parents, not to the parents. And don’t we all want our children to receive that promise? That is why we need to teach our children to honor us. It is not so we will feel good about ourselves, or that others will see how well-behaved our children are, but so they honor God and receive His promise. It was this biblical principle that convinced me to just head back home instead of to the toy store.

When the Bible says “No discipline seems pleasant, but painful…” (Heb 12:11), I think it’s not only talking about the one who is being disciplined, but also about the person doing the disciplining. When I discipline my child and give him a consequence, it doesn’t give me a sense of happy satisfaction or enjoyment. It hurts me to see my child in pain. It hurt me to see the look on my child’s face when I told him that we were not going to the toy store anymore, knowing how excited he was to go. That’s why, often, the easier thing is to look the other way and not deal with misbehavior. But a parent who is serious about raising his child the right way should be tough enough to handle the “unpleasantness” of discipline.

It is not for our own good, but for our child’s.

2012. I wish I had a better start. After our 2011 year-end trip, most of us got sick. I was tired of being woken up at night by coughing kids and giving medicine round the clock. Added to that was the huge task of cleaning up the house of the left-over mess from the holidays. I was tired and grumpy (and hungry from our one week fast.) I didn’t realize the extent of my  temper until Joaquin told me the other day “Mom, can you not shout again? Please have a nice attitude.” My 3-year old couldn’t have said it better.

Haay… I am reminded once again of my inadequacy and incompetence. I really cannot do this parenting thing on my own. I need divine help. I need God’s grace. I desperately need His help.

A mental preview of 2012 is enough to make me feel excited and exhausted at the same time. I am anticipating a busy year as Nathan prepares to take his college entrance exams, while Janina prepares for highschool and pursues her new-found “career” in theater, and as I homeschool the kids and manage all their extra-curricular activities on top of our speaking engagements and ministry.  No complaints here. I love being fruitful. I just know that I cannot do this on my own.

As we go through another year, I acknowledge my complete dependence on God. I cannot even come close to being a good wife and mother without God’s help. I cannot be an effective speaker without God’s anointing. I cannot mentor and coach other women without His wisdom. I am nothing and cannot be anything without God.

Two nights ago, Ryan came to our room asking if he could sleep with us. Occasionally, one of our kids will knock on our bedroom door in the middle of the night, pillow and comforter in tow, saying he had a bad dream and just wanted to be with us. It is for this reason that I have a spare mattress in our room. I love it that we are able to give them the comfort they need.

Joaquin, who has been clingly the past days, told me yesterday “Mom, don’t leave me ok? You’re mine, ok?” That just melted my heart.

Last night, after we had a family group hug, Janina asked us “Don’t you just love having 4 kids?!” And I exclaimed, “It’s the best!”

Tonight, Nathan said that he wants a Kindle for his birthday and Janina gladly volunteered to pay for half of it. It gave me joy to see that my kids actually love each other.

It’s not always easy. In fact, let me be honest and say that it has been a lot of hard work. It’s never perfect. But I can’t imagine my life any other way.
Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him. Psalm 127:3

Sometimes it seems the easiest thing to do is to give our child what he wants and make him happy. It is such a temptation to be the answer to our child’s wants and needs rather than teaching him to believe God for it or to work for it.

When our daughter, Janina, got her new puppy, Briggie, it wasn’t without faith, hardwork and tears.  When she first brought up the idea of getting a Maltese, we told her that she will have to use her own savings. Not only that, we wanted her to be the one to look for one that is affordably priced. Paolo and I thought that this would be good training for her. We would pray with her for the puppy but we expected her to do all the legwork necessary.

We saw Janina spending hours online and on the phone looking for a Maltese and comparing prices.  She learned what questions to ask the sellers and how to haggle for a lower price. There were nice, accommodating people and rude to very rude people, and she learned to deal with all kinds. One night, after weeks of doing that, she was in tears because she couldn’t find one that fit her budget. It was at this point when Paolo and I almost gave in, and thought of just raising the money ourselves to help out our little girl. But somehow a voice inside us told us to step out of the way and teach Janina to wait on God and believe Him for His provision. Janina was already getting impatient and desperate, yet God commanded us to stay away from the situation. That is not always easy for us parents especially when we see our child distraught and discouraged.  We realized that this was as much a lesson for us as parents as it was for Janina.

A few days after that incident, Janina auditioned for the musical “Sound of Music.” Thank God for His favor, Janina made it! With the money that she will earn, she could finally buy the Maltese she’s been wanting and be able to pay even for the dog’s food for life . No wonder God told us to step out of the way–He has already set His plan in motion!

I think about that and wonder what would have happened if we took matters into our hands and made things happen for Janina. Then Janina would have missed out on experiencing first hand the faithfulness of her Heavenly Father as her provider. And we as parents would have missed God’s assurance for us that He will take care of our children.

I realize that sometimes our goal for our children is so short-term. They want something, we give it to them. They’re happy. End of story. But God is not just concerned about our children getting what they want and making them happy.  He wants our children to get to know Him better and to grow in their faith as they wait upon Him. He wants a relationship with our children.

“Oh how great is the love the Father has lavished on us!”