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Posts Tagged ‘discipline’

We were already geared up to go to Toys ‘R Us, as anonymous child had been wanting to go there for weeks. He was clutching his wallet in his hands, and was looking forward to finally get that toy he’d been saving up for weeks. You know the look on your child’s face when he is about to open a birthday present? I was happy to see that look on his face.

On our way, anonymous child said something that was disrespectful to me. It was hurtful to be spoken to by one of my children like that but I tried to convince myself that maybe i should just let this pass and not make a big deal out of it. I didn’t want to ruin our supposed “date” to the toy store.

But there was the nagging part of me that just didn’t want this to slide. I knew how important it is to God that children honor their parents. And if I didn’t do anything about this, I was communicating to my child that his behavior was acceptable.

So I did it. I explained that what he said didn’t show honor to me and he had to be disciplined for it. I knew it would break my son’s heart, and it broke mine more to see it, but I had to cancel our trip as a consequence of his disrespectful attitude. I reminded him of Ephesians 6:1-3 that says ‘Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’

When children honor their parents, God rewards THEM, not us. The promise of everything going well and enjoying a long life is given to children who honor their parents, not to the parents. And don’t we all want our children to receive that promise? That is why we need to teach our children to honor us. It is not so we will feel good about ourselves, or that others will see how well-behaved our children are, but so they honor God and receive His promise. It was this biblical principle that convinced me to just head back home instead of to the toy store.

When the Bible says “No discipline seems pleasant, but painful…” (Heb 12:11), I think it’s not only talking about the one who is being disciplined, but also about the person doing the disciplining. When I discipline my child and give him a consequence, it doesn’t give me a sense of happy satisfaction or enjoyment. It hurts me to see my child in pain. It hurt me to see the look on my child’s face when I told him that we were not going to the toy store anymore, knowing how excited he was to go. That’s why, often, the easier thing is to look the other way and not deal with misbehavior. But a parent who is serious about raising his child the right way should be tough enough to handle the “unpleasantness” of discipline.

It is not for our own good, but for our child’s.

Dear Jenn,

Could I ask you for a piece of advice? My daughter is already attending playgroup . I’m amazed at an early age that she learned a lot like eating independently, wearing her slippers properly, and a lot more things that an ordinary 2 year old cannot do yet. Today, her teacher spoke to me about my daughter beating her classmate. Honestly i don’t want to make excuses for my daughter though i told her teacher that she won’t hit anyone if she was not provoked but still I know that it’s wrong to hit or hurt someone. I was convicted of my actions. Because nowadays, I’ve been disciplining her too much. And sometimes because I have a lot on my plate, I really get impatient with her and shout at her. I can’t help but think that my own behavior has caused my daughter to be aggressive towards another. My husband told me to keep my daughter company first in the playgroup and if her behavior doesn’t improve, we will pull her out of playgroup first. Thank you very much!

From,
Mommy XX

Dear Mommy XX,

Playgroup is nice because it can bring out the best in our children. You saw how it brought out the best in your daughter… she learned to be independent and did all those great things a normal 2 yr old still couldn’t do. In the same breath, playgroup can also bring out the worst in them. When our kids are put in situations where they need to relate with other kids, their tendency to sin usually shows up. There will be situations that will push them to do what is wrong like grab toys, or push, or shout or hurt other kids. When your child does something wrong, DON’T OVER REACT. You don’t need to blow it up and feel so terrible about it because all kids make mistakes. Your child is not defined by one misbehavior. The important thing is you use the opportunity to teach her what is right and wrong. As your child gets older, you can start using opportunities like this one to teach her about man’s sinful nature and why we need Jesus to help us do the right thing.

As a mom too, there are times when i get so impatient with my kids. You don’t know how often that is. I have 4 remember? It is not always easy to discipline them the right way especially when we are so stressed. I’m glad my husband is here to partner with me too. When my kids misbehave, I also take time to evaluate my parenting because, you are right, the way we discipline them really has an effect on them. If God is exposing some things in your heart, then ask Him to help you make the necessary adjustments.  Apart from the grace of God, we really cannot do it the right way. Thank God He is always there to help us!

I hope this was helpful!

Jenn

Two weeks ago, I took Ryan to the dentist because I noticed that his permanent teeth were coming out but the milk teeth were still very much intact. The dentist recommended that 3 milk teeth be pulled out to give way for the new ones. As she explained that she would have to administer anesthesia injections, Ryan started to cry and just wanted me to take him home. As a mom, I was faced with a decision. A dominant parent would say “You’re being a baby! Just stop crying, sit still and let the dentist do her job!” A permissive parent would say “Oh son, I don’t want you to cry. Let’s just go home and forget all about the dentist.” A neglectful parent would say “Oh fine! Do what you want to do! I really don’t care what happens to your teeth!” A loving parent would say “I know it’ll hurt but I’ll be here to hold your hand the whole time.”

A loving parent gives all the love and caring her child needs but at the same time enforces her authority when she needs to. She is sensitive to her child’s desires and needs but doesn’t necessarily give in to everything especially when it’s not for the best of her child. She knows how to balance rules and relationship. She does what has to be done yet gives her 100% support as well. Honestly, I sometimes swing back and forth the pendulum and see myself as a dominant parent one day, and a neglectful one the next day, that’s why I always ask God to help me be the loving parent that I should be.

Ryan left the dental clinic that day sore from his teeth extractions. As a loving parent, or at least that’s what I aim to be , I sat with him the whole time and massaged his legs during the procedure. Then we went for ice cream.

My friends are always amazed when I tell them that I don’t have to wake my kids up on weekdays to get them ready for school. They have their own alarm clocks, and as soon as it goes off, they run to the shower, put their uniforms on and eat their breakfast. That’s when my husband joins them for their morning devotions, while I sleep in with our youngest, Joaquin.

For most families, weekday mornings are stressful. It is hard enough to get cranky kids out of bed, much more to push them to the shower, finish their breakfast and make it to school on time. With 3 kids going to school, I really don’t want to be shouting at them early in the morning and forcing them out of bed. Having trained our kids to take charge of their morning routine, life has been much easier for all of us. The principle is simple. If you train your kids to be dependent on you, they will be.

How did we do it? Here are some of the things we did that helped:
1. Set their bedtime that allows them 8 to 10 hours of sleep.
2. Get them their own alarm clocks. Our daugther Janina actually requested for a second alarm clock. She said one wasn’t enough to wake her up, so we got her another one.
3. Teach them the value of punctuality. If you show them that being on time is important, not just in school, but also for work, meetings, going to church, they will grow up being punctual and hating being late.
4. Instill for them a love for learning. If kids are not motivated to learn, they will not look forward to going to school.

Click here to watch Janina’s video when she started school 6 years ago.

A few days ago, a friend of mine who just recently gave birth was asking me about my experiences on parent-directed feeding or what is more commonly known these days as “babywise.” You see, it is always a joy for me to share how this feeding method have had a great positive impact on my mommy life.

When I had my firstborn Nathan, his first few weeks was very exhausting for me. I breastfed him on demand, and his schedule was so erratic. I hardly got any sleep, went anywhere or did anything else but feed, feed, feed. I remember times when I would cry whenever he started crying because I was just so tired. I noticed my milk supply decreasing too as a result of being so stressed. On Nathan’s 4th week, a friend of mine lent me this book entitled “Preparation for Parenting” by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo, which is also published under the title “Babywise.” I am telling you, it couldn’t have come at a better time. I implemented the principles shared in that book right away, and by Nathan’s 6th week, his body got used to a feeding schedule that allowed me time to rest, visit with friends, go to the parlor, and even go out on dates with my husband. By the 8th week, he was sleeping straight throughout the night without waking up to feed. What a blessing! Amazingly, Babywise produced the same results on my 2nd, 3rd and 4th baby!

While there is not one perfect parenting method, I highly recommend Babywise because it helped me put order into my baby’s day. It allowed me to establish a routine for my baby that took into consideration the other members and schedule of the family. It taught me how to train my baby to sleep on his own, in his own crib, without being rocked or danced to sleep. It taught me how to discern the cries of my baby, because not every cry is a hunger cry. It taught me how to define boundaries for my baby, that became the foundation of discipline in his older years.

While this method worked wonders for me and my babies, it might not necessarily work for you. If you do want to try Babywise, one word of caution though. Do not be legalistic. You do not have to follow everything to the letter. Just take what is helpful to you and forget about what is not practical for you and your baby. You would know. You’re the mom.