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Posts Tagged ‘children’

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I have seen repeatedly the breakdown of the cost of raising a child, but this is the first time I have seen the rewards listed this way. It’s nice, really nice.

The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140 for a middle income family. Talk about sticker shock!

That doesn’t even touch college tuition. But $160,140 isn’t so bad if you break it down. It translates into $8,896.66 a year, $741.38 a month, or $171.08 a week. That’s a mere $24.24 a day! Just over a dollar an hour. Still, you might think the best financial advice says don’t have children if you want to be “rich.” It is just the opposite.

What do you get for your $160,140?

Naming rights. First, middle, and last!

Glimpses of God every day.

Giggles under the covers every night.

More love than your heart can hold.

Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.

Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.

A hand to hold, usually covered with jam

A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites, building sand castles, and skipping down the sidewalk in the pouring rain.

Someone to laugh yourself silly with no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day.

For $160,140, you never have to grow up.

You get to finger-paint, carve pumpkins, play hide-and-seek, catch lightning bugs, and never stop believing in Santa Claus.

You have an excuse to keep: reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh, watching Saturday morning cartoons, going to Disney movies, and wishing on stars.

You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay for Mother’s Day, and cards with backward letters for Father’s Day.

For $160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck.

You get to be a hero just for retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof, taking the training wheels off the bike, removing a splinter, filling a pool, coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless.

You get a front row seat to history to witness the first step, word, first date, and first time behind the wheel. You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you’re lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren. You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match. In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there with God. You have all the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever and love them without limits, so one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost.

Another message from facebook:

hi ms. jenn, i just stumbled upon this video link and i thought of sharing with you and want to know your thoughts. questionable though

http://happychildguide.com/presentation/v1/how-to-get-your-child-to-listen_1/

I clicked on the link and watched the video presentation for about 15 minutes and decided i didn’t want to buy the book they were selling. There are a lot of new books out there on parenting and it is quite tricky to choose what to read and apply. I always use one filter to choose which books to read : the Word of God. For this particular book, though I didn’t read the whole material, there were 2 points the author raised from the 15-min presentation that to me are questionable: ( I will discuss the other point on my next blog)

1. The real reason why kids misbehave is found in the child’s brain chemistry. When a child experiences stress, there is an increase of cortisol in the brain and therefore, they are unable to think clearly. An increase in cortisol will cause a child to be hyperactive, argumentative, defiant, annoyingly whiney, throw tantrums and not listen and even become physically aggressive and violent. Whenever cortisol level goes down, children will listen, behave and relate better to the world around them.

(Again, I wanna make it clear that I didn’t read the whole book, and this is not a book review. I am basing my comments on the stuff I heard from the video presentation alone.)

I feel the point stated above is a bit off in 2 counts.

First is, though I am not a neuroscientist, and I am sure that there are things that happen in our brain whenever we are stressed, the real issue is not in the brain, but in the heart. The book talks about “Scientific Tricks to Stop Misbehavior”. Any parenting method that doesn’t address the heart, but only focuses on external behavior falls short. It is just like putting a band aid on the wound but not really treating the infection.

Matthew 15:19
“For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.”
Luke 6:45
“The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.”

Our kids sin because they are sinners. When a child grabs a toy from another, it is because there is selfishness in his heart. When a child hits another, it is because there is anger in his heart. Our kids need a Savior who will transform their hearts to be more like Him. We need to introduce our children to Jesus.

Second, we need to teach our kids to behave even in the midst of stress. Parents these days have overly used stress as an excuse for their children’s misbehavior… “Oh, he’s just sleepy” or “he’s hungry.” As much as we try as parents to be sensitive to our children’s needs, we need to teach them to do what is right inspite of their circumstances. I remember Joseph, when he was seduced everyday by Mrs. Potiphar, he still stood by what was right, inspite of the fact that his stress levels were off the charts… he was forsaken by his brothers, sold into slavery, working in a foreign land, (seemingly) forgotten by his God… yet he did not misbehave, but did what was right in the eyes of the Lord. A lot of criminals have committed their crimes because they were stressed… maybe one desperately needed money for his wife’s cancer, or another needed to feed his kids. But stress is not an excuse.

John 16:33 “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Even Jesus made it clear that trouble will be a part of our lives. But if we help our children cultivate a relationship with Jesus, they will know how to overcome.

The most important thing we need to do as parents is to introduce our kids to their Creator. It is not about external behavior. It is about what happens in the heart. It is about teaching our kids to surrender their lives to our God and loving Him and pleasing Him in everything. A changed heart results in the right behavior. If our kids understand that their lives are to honor God, they will strive to do it…even under stress.

A conversation with Ryan, our 6-yr old as we were driving home:

Ryan: Why do couples get married and then separate?

Paolo and I try to explain the different reasons.

Ryan: Dad, Mom, will you ever separate?

Dad, Mom: Of course not! We love each other very much and we will stay married until we die!

Ryan: That makes me sooooo happppyyyyyy!!!

It is my hope and prayer that every couple realizes how secure their children feel when they know Dad and Mom love each other and will stay together. Security is not found in material things, but in the relationships that really matter.

Today our little Joaquin got hold of a marker and started drawing on a small board. After a few minutes, to my shock, I realized that his marker started to wander off the board and onto our floor. Had I not caught him in time, I’m sure his marker would have made it to our walls, and bedsheets, and clothes.

Joaquin drawing on the floor

Good thing he was using a washable marker

I wonder how our house would look like if Paolo and I didn’t have boundaries for our kids. According to my daughter Janina, this place would look like a “dumpster.” Empty bags of chips all over, dirty clothes in the hallway, wet cotton balls stuck on the mirror (yes they’ve done this), drawings on the walls, CD’s on the floor, kids screaming at each other and possibly hurting each other, etc, etc. You get the idea.

We set boundaries for our kids at home for a long-term goal. We want them to be able to know how to live within the boundaries of God’s word. I know a few well-meaning parents who allow their kids to do everything they want and realize that their kids have a hard time adjusting to the rules of their school or behaving in other people’s homes. The worst part is that they will have a hard time living according to the will of God. If kids got used to doing their own way, they will have a hard time being in submission to any kind of authority.

Psalm 119:9
How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word.